Here’s what every mother wants to say to her daughter, the bride-to-be: important premarital advice on the eve of her wedding…
Dear daughter,
As I watch you, my darling daughter, getting ready to be the radiant bride, I feel a flutter in my stomach. I’m supremely happy to know you’re ready to start a new life with your special someone. But I’m anxious too. There’s so much I want to tell you, bits and pieces of wisdom I’ve gleaned over the years. And I’m going to do just in this letter…
You are marrying the family too
Good or bad, that’s the truth about Indian marriages. Whether you live with your inlaws or not, they will always be a huge part of your life. Treat them as they are—family. They are not opponents out to declare war, especially your mother-in-law. She loves your husband as I love you. So give both her and yourself some time to adjust with each other.
Marriage will be different from dating
There will be red roses and candlelight dinners, but there will also be days of groceries not done and sink full of dishes. When you were dating, you met for a few sweet hours and then went back to your respective homes. Now you go home together and live together. Be prepared for the mundane to take over at some point. But do not despair—routine is not always tiresome, it is steady and secure too.
Together, but not crammed so
It’s good to have some portions of your life that are just yours. Enjoy the honeymoon period of togetherness – and may it always be so. But both of you need some separate-ness too. Let your friends be yours and his friends be his. Have your hobbies and let him have his. Do your work and let him do his. A certain amount of space – and not distance – will always be good and healthy in the long run.
The small stuff is just that – small
There will be many tiny, small things and habits of your new family members that will get to you. Your husband discards his socks on the floor, your MIL never closes the fridge door. Yesterday’s newspapers are all over the living room, utensils are never rinsed out… the list is endless. It’s okay. This is small everyday stuff that you can find solutions to. They may not like every single habit of yours either. Most importantly, life will throw up bigger challenges in the years to come – save your energy for that.
Don’t let the magic fade
There will be days when you want to give up and you wonder why you are here. On those days, take a quiet moment and do just that – think why you are here. Go over – again – all the reasons why you chose to marry this particular man. Remember all the things that he, and only he, gets about you. Smile at the silly moments you’ve shared. Feel your heart swell up about the big things he’s adjusted to for you. You and he create magic. Don’t let that fade.
Never forget your own self
So far I’ve told you about keeping an open mind and being considerate about others. Now, I’m going to end with just the opposite. Never forget your own self. You are your own individual and entitled to respect, dignity and self-worth. Do not let anyone or anything harm that.
Give with all your might…and your mind
Bend to accommodate…but never backwards
Love with all your heart…and your eyes open
Stay happy. Stay safe, my dear.
Always yours,
Mom.
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