So, the honeymoon period is over and your mehendi is starting to fade? Are you feeling a bit ‘blue’ as you try to settle down in the new routine as a married couple? Do take heart since this is a common occurrence. Brides (as well as some grooms) tend to undergo a ‘period of disillusionment’ as daily responsibilities and pressures at work and home take over.
Many new brides miss their parents; chances are that they have been raised with a lot of affection and love in their parental home, which might not always be showered upon them in their new home. Secondly, adjusting with one’s partner, especially in an arranged marriage is also difficult, at times. No marriage, arranged or love becomes strong overnight- each takes a great deal of commitment, effort and time to deepen. So what exactly are the components of a good marriage? Experts say the following:
- Ability to laugh together
- Ability to consider one’s spouse as a best friend
- Ability to agree on common goals yet respect each other’s opinions
- Ability to view marriage as an institution that needs a life-long commitment
Marriage counsellors and relationship experts recommend following positive actions that can help couples during the adjustment phase:
- Understand that you are both going through the same things. Marriage is a game in which both are the winners, so the ego needs to be kept aside. Either party must stop thinking of his/her spouse as an outsider; or someone who is external. Instead, one must consider him/her as a fellow traveller with the same destination. This is the basis of a strong marriage.
- Show interest –Be a good listener and make eye contact when having a conversation.
- Show your affection- through small gestures. Small acts of thoughtfulness and kindness go a lot deeper than expensive gifts and huge displays of affection.
- You might not always agree with what he/she is saying, but do show that you respect his/her opinion and value it.
- Words and simple facial expressions can help show empathy; share his/her joys as well as sorrows.
- Laugh a lot- Joking and laughing go a long way in strengthening the bonds of any relationship.
- Criticism, stonewalling and contempt may happen occasionally in any relationship, but do watch out for such behaviour becoming habitual and routine.
Remember that marriages which survive, stay strong and continue to deepen are ever-adjusting and always ‘under construction’.